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It’s Not Only About Love

It’s Not Only About Love!

by Ruth Sharon

Healthy relationships are built on a strong foundation of the traits and qualities that reflect the couple’s consciousness—it’s not only about love. To avoid the pitfalls of negative patterns and devolving affection, be sure to stay fresh, present and engaging!

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 4.06.30 PMWe had the honor of walking the last two of our children down the aisle in the past seven months: Michael married Dana in September 2015 and Aly married Chris in April 2016 (the outdoor wedding below). Our older daughter, Alaina, has been wed to Bill for 13 years and has two amazing daughters!

Aly and Chris Pedersen at wedding 2016

 

Our nuclear family of five has grown to be the 10 of us (with more to come…).

What does it take to create and sustain a healthy, happy, sacred relationship? Love is not all that is required. Being married for more than 45 years to my adorable college sweetheart, Jim Sharon, and working with thousands of couples in counseling, coaching and seminars, I have learned a great deal about love. Love is a container that holds the relationship dear. Love is not only a fleeting feeling, but a life force that connects and unites us all. Love also reveals difficulties and weaknesses so we can heal and grow.Screen Shot 2015-10-26 at 4.05.31 PM

I hope to dispel several myths and add some clarity to traits needed for a strong and lasting love. Please refer to our book Secrets of a Soulful Marriage for more elaboration.

Secrets of a soulful marriageMyth #1: You have to give up your personal freedom to join with/commit to your partner. Freedom and commitment cannot coexist—you have to choose one. Compromising who you are is the key to a “yes, dear” lifestyle.

Soulful Perspective: Having the courage to assert your needs, wants, desires, dreams and goals makes you a better partner. Self-love, being true to yourself and growing as an emerging individual allows you to add to your partner, to your relationship and to your community.

Myth #2: Your ever-present job is making your partner happy. Anticipate his/her needs and sacrifice your personal life so you don’t upset him/her. Be able to read your lover’s mind and satisfy his every need.

Soulful Perspective: Each of you is responsible for your own happiness. You can communicate and make requests so you can understand each other and enjoy being together even more fully.  Being honest about your moods, feelings, cycles and insecurities is integral to a healthy relationship. Being able to be vulnerable, real, supportable and coachable makes you a genuine partner.

Myth#3: You and your partner complete each other. You are each missing aspects of yourself that your lover finishes for you. You believe in the notion that 1/2+1/2=1. You refer to your lover as “my other half” or “my better half.”

Soulful Perspective: You are each whole unto yourself. Striving to be and express more of your true nature gives your life meaning. Being a whole person allows you to balance the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social aspects of yourself. You endorse the vision of one plus one =unlimited!

Myth #4: You promised in your wedding vows (or commitment ceremony) to always love, honor and cherish each other. If you really love and respect your partner, you would not get angry or disagree with him/her, especially in front of family and friends.

Soulful Perspective: Conflicts, disagreements and upsets are an integral part of a healthy relationship. You can respectfully disagree and even feel sad, worried, annoyed, frustrated, resentful, jealous—and still cherish each other. An alive, soulful relationship affords you the permission to honestly communicate what triggers are activated, so you can heal past patterns/hurts. Constructively solving conflicts and strengthening your connection is a fine art!

Do you recognize any of these myth-filled patterns? Are you practicing truth-telling shifts in your relationship? What are you noticing? Leave your feedback here and/or share comments and photos on our community Facebook page. We can all learn from each other!

Let us know how we may support you.

Your relationship coaches,
Ruth Sharon
Jim Sharon

Voted BEST Relationship Coaches in a Colorado contest 2015 and 2016.

www.energyforlife.us

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