Caring Connection
Posted in Counseling, In the News on 01/17/2011 01:36 pm by Jim SharonAs always, the January 8th Tucson shootings were met with great public outcries and outrage. Media coverage, speeches and large audiences flourished throughout the country. Then, in short order we went on with our lives, burying much of our pain and underlying concerns almost as quickly as those killed were laid to rest. I remain deeply disturbed by the violence that permeates our society. Therefore, I want to resurrect some of the issues frequently raised and add a few other perspectives, followed by a call to action.
On an individual level, a lot of attention is rightly devoted to the profile of shooters: males who are relatively isolated, lonely, quietly depressed and sullen, etc. These characteristics provide subtle, yet vital warnings about potential danger. When coupled with blatant signs, such as possession of weapons and open expression of hatred and violent thoughts/intentions, these cues need to be very seriously heeded by those acquainted with the troubled guy. The closer or more significant the relationship with that person, the more crucial it is to seek some measure of mental health support for that individual. As a psychologist, I am only too familiar with the hazards of ignoring, disregarding or minimizing the warning signs presented!
Violence in our culture is not only tolerated by the masses, but, in my observation, is increasingly sanctioned and often glorified. Hollywood and TV producers perennially crank out a plethora of flagrantly violent shows, supplemented in recent years by violent video games and Internet aggression. As a nation, we have become conditioned and calloused to the quick kills and fiery explosions. Through our rampant participation in these forms of “entertainment,” we actively endorse highly aggressive or violent expression.
Similarly, in the midst of the technology craze, I have witnessed our society becoming more and more impersonal over the past decade. Our obsession with emailing, texting, multiple forms of social media, smart-phones, etc. have replaced a lot of face-to-face connection. The result is a seemingly more detached, faster-paced and less intimate society by the year!
Today (January 17th), I received an email from Rabbi Michael Lerner, director of the international Tikkun organization that is dedicated to global healing and transformation. Rabbi Lerner attributes much of the mounting national violence to widespread depersonalization and exploitation. He notes the growing trend toward gauging people’s value by the extent to which they can serve one’s personal or business agenda. Tikkun is supporting various platforms to redirect the “bottom line” in public policy toward genuine caring, kindness and generosity.
I strongly encourage each of us to take inventory as to how we can become more personal, compassionate and available in our daily interactions, then gradually put those changes into effect. We also need to be more attentive to and supportive of those around us, especially family members and friends, who are notably distressed.
Several simple suggestions:
- Smile and offer a few friendly remarks to a stranger or acquaintance who appears despondent.
- Gently tell a person whom you are close to that you sense he/she is upset and make yourself available to listen before providing any advice (often advice isn’t even welcome or necessary). Reflect the feelings and needs you perceive from that person.
- When you anticipate an impending crisis, encourage the person to “get some support or guidance” from a mental health professional. Perhaps offer to accompany him/her to an appointment.
- At least periodically volunteer for a service project.
- Arrange time for a sustained, meaningful face-to-face conversation with a friend or family member.
- Practice an appropriate level of genuine self-disclosure (depending on the nature of your relationship).
Let’s truly work toward shrinking the expanding gap between IQ and EQ (emotional quotient).
Jim Sharon, Ed.D.
