Energy For Life

We live in a very fast-paced, restless, impatient and largely unforgiving society that places a premium on newness and manufactures product obsolescence. Relationships are fast becoming relegated to tweets, text messages and a few Facebook lines. Given that climate or unfertile soil, is it any wonder that romances often quickly fizzle and that our divorce rate is so high? Enough said about the downside.

I’m unabashedly proud to announce that this month Ruth and I will be celebrating our 43rd Valentine’s Day together — should have been 44, but I broke up with her after three fabulous dates because I was frightened of the intimacy at age 21. Fortunately, I acquired some “sanity” and courage in March of that year and have never again “pulled the plug.”

Over the years, we have learned that intense drama and dull knives only hurts us and detracts from our personal and relationship growth. For most of our 41 years of marriage, we have worked diligently to become more mutually accepting and supportive, as well as more centered and increasingly resilient. On a core level, we have devoted ourselves to gradually, yet steadily effacing our egos and to “leveling the playing field” in our relational attitudes, communication and conflict-resolution efforts.

None of this has been easy; we’ve probably endured as many valleys as we’ve celebrated peak experiences. However, our foundation of unconditional love and our commitment to persistence has paid off royally. Regarding the latter, I recently read a great quote by the decorated World War II general Douglas McArthur, “People grow old by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up wrinkles the soul.”

Several overarching realizations fill me with utter joy:

• the depth of our cherishing and respecting one another
• the quantity and quality of parallel career and spiritual paths we’ve shared
• that we have raised three stellar children, one of whom has an incredible daughter

As the old romantic saying goes, “How many ways do I love you? Let me count the ways.” Happily, Ruth and I have both lost count. Our cups indeed runneth over, yet we have room for a lot more zesty juice!

-Jim

This past Saturday night, Jim and I were enjoying a conversation with a man we met at our “Team” networking party. As an empowerment coach/marketing consultant, he is interested in interviewing couples who have long-term relationships and are still in love. We had fun sharing with him that being “empty nesters” feels like a new beginning! We feel like newlyweds in so many ways! He delighted in hearing our stories, as he is in the early stages of a love relationship.

On Sunday, Jim and I spent the day at the pool, enjoying the sunny weather and refreshingly cool water. Just as we did as newlyweds, we played in the water, carrying each other for rides, holding each other afloat, and talking on and on about subjects of interest (mainly our upcoming books, Whole Man Expo and book launch parties!). How reminiscent of our early days in Harrisburg, PA in 1970 when we began our journey as a couple! We loved going to our apartment complex pool after work and on the weekends to frolic like we did this Sunday!

Ruth and Jim in Maui for our 40th anniversary in 2010

The love we share now is even brighter, more engaging and much more satisfying than when we began in our early 20’s, unsure of how this marriage thing really works. My limited perspective only glimpsed the true promise of love, devotion, being cherished and respected, sharing life purpose, having wonderful companionship, bringing in children and growing on all dimensions. After all these years together, we have had many adventures, worked through many issues, overcome very difficult challenges, survived near break-ups, and raised three children successfully, all the while working together in our own businesses. At 22, I never could have imagined how great our life could be!

We are so happy to report this good news and give hope to others in the quest for a nourishing love life.

Having the house to ourselves now has opened up a new chapter in our lives. We love our kids, their special partners and our granddaughter and see them often. Our dog is still here, but no kiddos! Having our own pace, rhythm, focus and privacy has given us more energy and motivation to pursue the life of our dreams now as elders. Our careers , health/fitness, spiritual development and service to the community are of utmost importance.

We are each ready to launch our respective books—Jim’s men’s anthology Ordinary Men, Extraordinary Lives: Defining Moments and Be Your Best Self: Yoga Book for Families authored by myself, daughter Alyssa Sharon (21, a yoga teacher in LA) and granddaughter Hannah Green (age 6, here in Denver).

The creative juices are flowing and love abounds! We are blessed.

-Ruth Sharon

Happy Spring! What a time of renewal and rebirth! I hope you are blooming, along with your garden and trees!

Jim and I are so excited to share our couples’ retreat on May 20-22. Register now so you can be sure to save your spot. Peaceful Valley Ranch in Lyons, CO is ideal for privacy, room to roam, delicious meals and picturesque meeting spaces for our seminar. We will begin with Friday dinner and end after lunch on Sunday, with free time on Saturday to explore the area or take a nap!

I was recently reminiscing with a dear friend of over 30 years. Remembering the first time I took 2 or 3 days to retreat, I was way too anxious to settle in. I distracted myself in all sorts of healthy and unhealthy ways. What a rollercoaster of emotions—nervous, agitated, angry, depressed, confused, bored—with my mind jumping around like a wild monkey!

Over the years I have come to welcome the opportunity to retreat. My daily meditations and weekly Sabbath are a journey into peaceful connection with my Higher Self/ Universe/God. During a longer or more intentional retreat, I look forward with great anticipation to having an extended date with my spiritual Self, and the Divine. I emerge with a clearer mind, more loving heart and a calmer belly.

Imagine being with yourself and your beloved partner in a quiet, relaxing and beautiful setting, nestled in the Rocky Mountains. Jim and I are happy to facilitate you and your mate on an enlivening and enriching retreat, sharing the “Secrets of a Soulful Marriage” on May 20-22. Through a series of guided practices, you will affirm your strengths and resources as a couple by:

• Practicing making the “hard stuff” easier
• Expanding your ability to give and to receive
• Discovering the greatest gift: unconditional love
• Clarifying your goals and dreams together

Retreats are a glorious trip back to your “spiritual home” where you can refresh and renew your mind, body and spirit. Once you know where “home” is, you can be aware when you leave home and know ways to come back into attunement. Developing a deeper connection with your partner nourishes your relationship and sets up a template to follow after the retreat.

Join us for this special weekend of May 20-22, 2011! Learn more and register today at www.energyforlife.ezregister.com.

Be well!

Ruth

During a tender conversation in the glorious, current film Of G-d and Men, an elderly monk admits to an infatuated young woman that he had a few romances in his teens, but the “Big Love” that he later discovered pales those romantic encounters. The monk was referring to his devotion to G-d (The Source of All) and to a pervasive love of all beings. At our last monthly couples’ “Date Night” seminar, my wife Ruth and I broached the topic of “unconditional love.” Although each participant had heard that term bantered about, most admitted to being at least somewhat uncertain regarding how to access unconditional love. Their difficulty is common to the masses, as the vast majority of us received parental and societal programming that places boundaries or even “rules” on experiencing and expressing love. Due to such learned limitations, our egos remain intact, yet we our deprived of the highest joy and of knowing the fullness of ourselves.

I wish to tersely summarize my personal and professional experience for accessing unconditional love. I have found that the fastest and strongest inroads occur by accepting and forgiving oneself and humbly accepting our own human limitations. Then we can strive to graciously extend compassionate understanding to others. Initially, we may reserve our “special” love for close family members and friends. As our hearts gradually “expand,” we naturally become increasingly inclusive in our love for others. Two specific practices that quicken our sense of unconditional love are: a) giving without the expectation of receiving anything in return and b) consciously suspending or releasing judgments. Many forms of unifying experiences can evoke an appreciation of the “Big Love.” A few examples involve:

• Participation in closely-knit communities
• Rallying around a common ideal
• Joining community and/or global support efforts during large-scale crises or disasters.

A prominent gateway toward the realization of unconditional love occurs through continual deepening into spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, immersion in nature, and disciplined study. Ultimately, as we divest ourselves of layers of ego (including defense mechanisms, competitiveness, judgments, etc.), we encounter the fundamental truth or essence of who we are: The Big Love.

Jim Sharon

I remember a ceremony I participated in almost 30 years ago: As I deepened into meditation, I was guided to open the communication with my soul and my personality/ego/identity to be devoted friends! What a life-changing experience!

I am aware that I forget this covenant at times, but am committing daily to keep the soulful connection alive and well. I am humbly aware of how challenging the thinning of the ego can be, to make room for the soul to flourish here on Earth. My heart’s longing is to awaken and fulfill my soul purpose here.

As we know, the relationship we have with ourselves colors and directs all other relationships. Here are some “secrets” I have discovered over the decades!

1) to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, desires, goals; to take responsibility for changing patterns that don’t work; to communicate clearly, respectfully and openly with the other person, as s/he is part of the greater whole (of our spiritual unity).

2) to forgive myself and others for our imperfections, habits, hurts, history, mistakes, ignorance and forgetfulness; to listen with a sacred understanding of the other’s pain or needs. Forgiveness may involve accepting what is, acknowledging the situation with all the feelings and reactions; having compassion, empathy, willingness to apologize and heal, or apologizing for wrongs I have perpetrated.

3) to make decisions to “stop and shift” when I am traveling down a path that is harmful to me or the others. I am willing to change/adjust my conversation, actions, intentions, or desired outcomes to empower the truth in the situation, and to accept feedback for how I am perceived. The protective survival mechanisms are very strong so I have to manage my reactions in order to be present.

4) to take actions that promote solving problems and building the relationship, with respect, kindness, clarity and power. Sometimes withdrawing to get clearer or center myself is helpful before acting or speaking. I use an imaginary energy shield to block out harm and allow positive loving exchanges to occur. “Kiss my monsters” is a reminder phrase I use when faced with a difficult person or circumstance.

As a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, daughter, sister, etc. I treasure my relationships. As a counselor, coach, teacher, speaker, writer, etc. I strive to edify and beautify all I am with, so I can be a truer reflection or mirror of the soul’s light. As we all shine brighter, the world appears more hopeful, safe, and engaging. People are attracted to us and want to know our “secrets” of our soulful life! Please comment below on your secrets.

I look forward to sharing the “Secrets of a Soulful Marriage” at our upcoming Date Night on Thursday, April 7 at 6:30 p.m. and at our Spring Retreat May 20-22. Jim and I will celebrate our 41st anniversary this June 7!

With respect,

Ruth

This summer has been one of my all-time favorites! I love the balance of work and play, being with friends/family and alone, enjoying active and quiet hobbies, participating in routine and creative activities, and being of service with those in need as well as celebrating what is glorious.

“Secrets of a Soulful Marriage” is an exploration of what truly works in building healthy, successful, vibrant and long-lasting relationships. Jim and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary this summer, which has been a catalyst for offering this program.

We feel a calling to share our marital perspectives and experiences. The acronym H.O.W. (Honest, Open and Willing) helps me remember to be humble and committed to love. Being effective in my relationship is one of the hardest “jobs” I have ever had. To be a soulful mate requires my daily commitment, resilience and persistence! I hold the vision of our Highest Self living this life for the purpose of fulfillment. I know I have to take care of myself , with full responsibility for my own happiness.

One of my favorite expressions is “love is a poultice that draws all the impurities up to the surface so we can clear out all that blocks love’s full expression.” Over the years, Jim and I have narrated our journey so we can share it with others. We look forward to learning about your “secrets of your soulful marriage.” Feel free to comment on this blog so we can learn from each other!

Be well,

Ruth

This Bird of Paradise has become my symbol of remembering the awesome wonder of the Earth’s creation!

In the lobby of Ka’anapali Beach Club on Maui

As Jim and I return home from our 40th anniversary “honeymoon” on Maui, I am savoring our memories of the wonderful experiences we shared. The beauty, calmness, and flowing nature of vacation are so appealing!

What I am realizing is I can create the same peaceful rhythm here in my usual working life! This is definitely a learning process; here is what I am noticing so far:

Beauty is all around me. I look out my window in the early morning to meditate and the “Garden of Eden” is right here, right now! I see magnificence in an array of colorful flowers, vibrant green grass, variegated trees, hues of blue skies and in the busy squirrels scampering in their mating and playfulness. Slowing down at the window and breathing creates a spacious vacation in a moment!

Calmness is my choice at any time. Am I frantic, breathless, stressed, hurrying or am I taking my time, doing one thing at a time, making lists/plans and following through with the right actions for the right results? Just as we snorkeled in the calm waters of Hawaii, so can I travel through my day observing, connecting, striving, accomplishing, relaxing.

Vacations offer the timeless zone with little structure and stress. What if I can have the same flowing nature in my day to day life? I have been experimenting. I dedicate each chunk of time to a different aspect of what I want to do. For example, this morning is devoted to writing this blog, then I go to 24-Hour Fitness to teach yoga. I have meetings set up after that for building my business, then seeing clients. When the last client leaves, I have dinner with my husband and daughter. The evening is free to take a walk, talk, read, rest, stretch, call/email people, write a letter, etc. Keeping stress out of my day allows the flow to be enjoyable and sweet.

Join me in the experiment of having each day be a vacation! Breathe and relax into the gratitude of being alive!

To keep the spirit of the Bird of Paradise alive, I am using this as the “challenge pose” in my yoga classes for the month of June. We are taking it step-by-step through the month with hopes of completing the pose! Try it with me and let me know how you progress. Namaste.

-Ruth

It takes a day to fall in love; it takes you years to know what love is.

- Jason Mraz’s song “Life is Wonderful”

My parents’ wedding gift to Ruth and me was a Jamaican honeymoon in June of 1970.  We just returned from our 40-year anniversary celebration in Maui.  These absolutely glorious tropical vacations serve as bookends or markers of our “tropically” warm and radiant marriage.

Ruth and I celebrating our anniversary in Maui

Standing amongst lush flowers overlooking the vast ocean expanse at The Garden of Eden Arboretum on the road to Hana in Maui, Ruth and I renewed our vows and commitments to each other.  With 40 years of history as our witness, those mutual promises flowed like honey.  Each of us was beaming and feeling proud of our accomplishment.  As therapists who have logged well over 30 years of relationship counseling, we know better than most that nobody attains a 40^th wedding anniversary without considerable effort, struggle, patience, perseverance, acceptance, etc.  An apt metaphor just struck me:  we indeed had to ride many turbulent waves through our marriage, just as we did swimming, boating and snorkeling in the two tropical oceans of our marital celebrations.

Despite the numerous challenges and periods of emotional pain, Ruth and I can fervently affirm that the depth of love and joy we have shared over these four decades has easily subsumed the tough times. Parenting three children and a dog (and now being grandparents) has been incredibly beautiful and meaningful. Given the age span of our children, we’ve had at least one child living with us for all but 6.5 years of those 40 married years; so we’re actually ready to experience the proverbial “empty nest” that many couples dread.  What has astounded us is a parallel spiritual journey our entire marriage and working together as business partners in a host of projects since 1976 (85 percent of our marriage).

Probably the prime “spark plug” continually igniting and rekindling our relationship has been the dynamic range in which each of us thrives.   We’ve been plenty wild, yet just as sedate; raucously silly along with deeply philosophical and whimsical.  We’ve been very social and communal, while enjoying plenty of sustained quiet times alone.  The list goes on and on.

The contrast I most celebrate is our ease and joy in each other’s company, yet relishing the many weeks we’ve spent apart on adventures, business trips, family visits, and growth excursions.

My beautiful bride in Maui

Although neither of us believes that marriage is for everyone, our exquisite relationship has been central to our souls’ expression and development in this lifetime.

In love and for love,
Jim Sharon