Energy For Life

About a month ago my wife, Ruth fell hard (while running with our dog)—and despite considerable knee swelling and pain, she has responded gracefully. Ruth’s attitude has been “that’s what God gave me for now, so I’ll be with it and use my healing time well.” During the month, she has valued her quiet time and the opportunity to complete her family yoga book. Once again, Ruth has proven a good model for others and for myself about accepting what is and going with the flow.

The season of Fall typically brings with it several major Jewish holidays (sometimes a couple of those begin in late summer), which my family and I observe annually. The most significant of those holidays is Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the most solemn day of the year. These holidays afford an opportunity for strong introspection or self-reflection, as well as a focus on atonement. Diligent attunement requires a “fall” from ego: a humbling, self-effacing process.

My psychological and mystical training, along with my natural mindset and “heart-set,” has given me extensive preparation for not only the intensity of these holidays, but for frequent self-scrutiny throughout each year. However, the grit work of facing the “shadow” side of myself is rarely a pleasant task. Because it is usually uncomfortable and elicits aspects of myself that are challenging to acknowledge, I sometimes resist or avoid the task. Yet, I know that developing or evolving myself and hence being a more loving and serving person does not come by grace alone.

Ultimately, I am always willing to uncover the dark places within me and at least come to terms with my ego. Stripping off all of our veneer is always a (very) gradual process, and over the years I have learned to be patient and gentle with my process–and less ponderous about it.

It is most helpful to remember that the “gold mine” of our true essence lies beyond our personalities and roles, and is attainable through gracefully letting go of these identity-attachments over time. It is also very helpful to seek credible, safe guides along the way.

-Jim

With Whole Man Expo now around the corner, I want to highlight a dimension of wholeness that I consider central—the hub of the wheel: spirituality. For me, the crux of spirituality is the sincere awe that one develops in his heart for the glory and magnificence of a Higher Power, however he idealizes that Force. That awe naturally leads to a steady longing for greater connection with the Source, and a deeper understanding of the mystery of life. Morality or ethics best stems from following the golden rule and from inner development, rather than from mere compliance to dogmatic principles.

As one deepens his spiritual attunement, s/he comes into a direct realization of our ultimate interconnection—a growing sense of universal oneness or unity. As this realization slowly ripens and becomes “cellular,” one’s ego gradually erodes.

I wish to share a beautiful recent post by Taj Inayat, spiritual guide and Vice President of the Sufi Order International, of which I am a member:

The poet Omar Khayyam writes, “Heaven is a vision of fulfilled desire, hell the shadow of a soul on fire.”

There is a saying, “Die before death,” which means that we do not have to wait until the breath is gone to experience heaven. It can be realized on earth when we discover a mode of being that is expressive of love, harmony and beauty.

The incessant demands of life, the overload of information and the bombardment of our senses call us continually outward to the surface of existence, toward the visible and away from the interiority of life. It is in this “within” space that heaven can be found.

As I do a lot of psychospiritual counseling, I’d like to offer one of my favorite sayings, by the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers: “Our deepest, darkest secrets are those that are most universal.”

All of this is best “stood under” and gradually assimilated in the core of one’s body, (heart and guts), rather than trying to mentally grasp the full meaning of these statements.

-Jim Sharon

Last week, while composing a poem “Ode (Owed) to Mothers,” honoring moms on Mother’s Day, I revisited my sense of the word “sacred.” Clearly, I regard the parent-child relationship as a sacred one. Several days later, as I was preparing an exercise for a group presentation I was about to facilitate, I did the exercise myself. The challenge was to compose one’s own ideal epitaph, which involved memorializing oneself in a maximum of seven words. One of the phrases I chose to portray a premier value of mine was “loved (or championed) sacredness.”

I then asked myself to consider what I regard as especially sacred or holy in life, in addition to family relationships. How would you respond to that implied question? Actually, after quickly listing off a number of things and qualities, I realized I couldn’t limit and absolutely didn’t want to restrict my perception of what is holy in this world or universe. (I also noted what I view as profane.)

Then yesterday, synchronicity graced me with her familiar “sacred smile.” I turned to the reading for that day and the next in the precious and inspiring book Miraculous Living by Rabbi Shoni Labowitz, which I have often turned to for guidance since the book was published in 2002. The book contains a series of daily terse, diverse lessons or reminders. The two concise readings were:

“Your awareness of the sanctity with yourself and the sacredness of all existence affects everything, everywhere. When you recognize your holiness, you think, speak, and act in holiness.”

“You are holy. The choices for continuing to live in holiness are eternally available to you.”

Those remarks, which I don’t suspect I could have said better, offer great pause for reflection and a posture for us to live and grow “into.”

-Jim Sharon

During a tender conversation in the glorious, current film Of G-d and Men, an elderly monk admits to an infatuated young woman that he had a few romances in his teens, but the “Big Love” that he later discovered pales those romantic encounters. The monk was referring to his devotion to G-d (The Source of All) and to a pervasive love of all beings. At our last monthly couples’ “Date Night” seminar, my wife Ruth and I broached the topic of “unconditional love.” Although each participant had heard that term bantered about, most admitted to being at least somewhat uncertain regarding how to access unconditional love. Their difficulty is common to the masses, as the vast majority of us received parental and societal programming that places boundaries or even “rules” on experiencing and expressing love. Due to such learned limitations, our egos remain intact, yet we our deprived of the highest joy and of knowing the fullness of ourselves.

I wish to tersely summarize my personal and professional experience for accessing unconditional love. I have found that the fastest and strongest inroads occur by accepting and forgiving oneself and humbly accepting our own human limitations. Then we can strive to graciously extend compassionate understanding to others. Initially, we may reserve our “special” love for close family members and friends. As our hearts gradually “expand,” we naturally become increasingly inclusive in our love for others. Two specific practices that quicken our sense of unconditional love are: a) giving without the expectation of receiving anything in return and b) consciously suspending or releasing judgments. Many forms of unifying experiences can evoke an appreciation of the “Big Love.” A few examples involve:

• Participation in closely-knit communities
• Rallying around a common ideal
• Joining community and/or global support efforts during large-scale crises or disasters.

A prominent gateway toward the realization of unconditional love occurs through continual deepening into spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, immersion in nature, and disciplined study. Ultimately, as we divest ourselves of layers of ego (including defense mechanisms, competitiveness, judgments, etc.), we encounter the fundamental truth or essence of who we are: The Big Love.

Jim Sharon

I remember a ceremony I participated in almost 30 years ago: As I deepened into meditation, I was guided to open the communication with my soul and my personality/ego/identity to be devoted friends! What a life-changing experience!

I am aware that I forget this covenant at times, but am committing daily to keep the soulful connection alive and well. I am humbly aware of how challenging the thinning of the ego can be, to make room for the soul to flourish here on Earth. My heart’s longing is to awaken and fulfill my soul purpose here.

As we know, the relationship we have with ourselves colors and directs all other relationships. Here are some “secrets” I have discovered over the decades!

1) to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, desires, goals; to take responsibility for changing patterns that don’t work; to communicate clearly, respectfully and openly with the other person, as s/he is part of the greater whole (of our spiritual unity).

2) to forgive myself and others for our imperfections, habits, hurts, history, mistakes, ignorance and forgetfulness; to listen with a sacred understanding of the other’s pain or needs. Forgiveness may involve accepting what is, acknowledging the situation with all the feelings and reactions; having compassion, empathy, willingness to apologize and heal, or apologizing for wrongs I have perpetrated.

3) to make decisions to “stop and shift” when I am traveling down a path that is harmful to me or the others. I am willing to change/adjust my conversation, actions, intentions, or desired outcomes to empower the truth in the situation, and to accept feedback for how I am perceived. The protective survival mechanisms are very strong so I have to manage my reactions in order to be present.

4) to take actions that promote solving problems and building the relationship, with respect, kindness, clarity and power. Sometimes withdrawing to get clearer or center myself is helpful before acting or speaking. I use an imaginary energy shield to block out harm and allow positive loving exchanges to occur. “Kiss my monsters” is a reminder phrase I use when faced with a difficult person or circumstance.

As a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, daughter, sister, etc. I treasure my relationships. As a counselor, coach, teacher, speaker, writer, etc. I strive to edify and beautify all I am with, so I can be a truer reflection or mirror of the soul’s light. As we all shine brighter, the world appears more hopeful, safe, and engaging. People are attracted to us and want to know our “secrets” of our soulful life! Please comment below on your secrets.

I look forward to sharing the “Secrets of a Soulful Marriage” at our upcoming Date Night on Thursday, April 7 at 6:30 p.m. and at our Spring Retreat May 20-22. Jim and I will celebrate our 41st anniversary this June 7!

With respect,

Ruth

Watching multiple, staggering images of the epic tsunami and earthquake that recently rocked Japan, I couldn’t recall ever witnessing such natural devastation. Like most of us, I was deeply shaken by the impact of the crisis on a country that was well-prepared to deal with natural disasters. Despite my immense compassion for the immeasurable suffering and for the ripple effect throughout the world, I soon began reflecting on some vital lessons and reminders I believe we receive from crises of even lesser magnitude than this one.

As the platitude goes, “Man plans and God laughs.” A profound paradox is that humans are arguably the most amazing and blessed of all earthly creatures, yet we represent less than a grain of sand in the universe. Even the lives of the rare centenarians amongst us are less than a flicker in the scheme of eternity.

Our individual and collective egos drive us to readily become “full” of ourselves. Globally, we have greatly abused our sanctified role as stewards of the earth through our greed, thirst for power, and desire to control (often trying to control nature, itself). More than occasionally, nature (or for me, G-d) shows us “who’s boss!” We can’t help but be humbled in the wave or aftermath of so-called tragedies. However, soon after the shock wears off, how often do we resume our various inflated ways of living?

Furthermore, during our era of widespread belief that we control our own reality through our thinking and visioning, I find that we frequently downplay our true limitations. After all,no matter how big, strong, smart or wealthy we are (or think we are), somebody, somewhere is always more so. I’m not by any means suggesting that we suspend positive thinking or dreaming, but rather, that we maintain a clear perspective about the existence of forces beyond us, by whatever name we call them.

Thus, in the midst of our continual efforts toward numerous forms of advancement, G-d, or one of G-d’s “agents,” e.g. some aspect of “nature,” periodically comes along and delivers a harsh or severe wallop. In response, at the very least, we collectively rally and become united for awhile. For me, the overarching question for each of us becomes, “How big a serving of ‘humble pie’ will you eat—and will you savor the ‘pie’?” A “close cousin” of sincere humility is deep gratitude.

-Jim Sharon

I awakened this morning with the memory of sitting on the front step of our new house when I was four years old. The morning summer sun shone on my face and I was in bliss. My mother came out looking for me and asked me what I was doing. I replied, “I love everyone, even those I never met.” Mom responded, “How sweet” and went inside. I sat there beaming rays of love into each house in my new neighborhood, feeling connected and in love with All.

I strive to blend this childlike innocence with the mature wisdom of my aging years. Love is the great connector, the transmitter, the bond, the healer that supersedes all. Love powers The Universe, giving meaning, purpose and direction to what we are/do/have.

Believe in God with childlike faith; for simplicity with intelligence is the sign of the Holy Ones.

-Hazrat Inayat Khan

As spring approaches, I feeling the stirring in my heart to be more authentic about sharing Love. My love for Jim has endured many ups and downs in our four decades of marriage. I cannot describe the intensity of my love for my husband, children, their partners and my granddaughter, Hannah. I never knew I could love a dog as much as I love Daphnie. My love radiates to other family and friends, extending to my community and beyond to the world at large.

When I counsel, coach, teach, train, guide, befriend, or network with people, I know Love is the tonic, the “energy for life” that enriches all my relationships. I continually open my heart to the loving wisdom of my mentors, teachers and guides, as well as teachings through books, CDs, DVDs, online webinars, seminars, etc.

When the grown-up person is made ready, when he has acquired the attributes of the child, then he creates heaven within himself, he understands. The child with his innocence does not understand, but when a person with understanding develops the childlike loving tendency, the purity of heart of the child with the desire to be friendly to all — that is the opening of the heart, and it is by that blessing that he can receive all the privileges of human life…

… truth is simple. The more simple you are and the more you seek for simplicity, the nearer you come to truth.

-Hazrat Inayat Khan

With simple love,

Ruth Sharon

At times I have succumbed to the stress of many moderate-to-large, seemingly “extra” expenses Ruth and I have incurred since the start of the new year. During times like these, when I feel like I’ve been “knocked down by a tidal wave,” I call on a good friend, namely, “perspective.”

One inner voice I’ve heard lately is “we always land on our feet.” Indeed, some combination of intentionality, focused effort and grace has repeatedly served to douse the fires of drama and to right the course.

Good ole synchronicity smiled on me this morning as I contemplated everyday miracles, starting with the miracles of our bodily functions — as basic as the sustenance we continually receive from breath itself. When I mentioned to Ruth that I was calculating the vast number of our heartbeats per year and the miles of blood vessels each of us has inside, she replied in amazement, “I just read that two minutes ago” in the book “The Greatest Miracle” (I have never even picked up that book). Ruth informed me that the numbers were much larger and more staggering than I had figured or could imagine: our hearts beat 36 million times annually and blood passes through 600 miles of veins, arteries and capillaries! Then I began thinking about the global fascination with modern technology. I’m even in sheer awe of “old hat” technology like friction on matches creating fire; water coming out of faucets; switches activating lights; telephone, radio and TV transmissions; jets breaking the sound barrier; etc. My problems and stresses tend to fade in the midst of revisiting such phenomena. And if they don’t dissipate, I reach for various forms of humor (often to the lament of my family and friends).

Surah (chapter) 31, in the Koran contains a verse (“ayat” 27) that poetically expresses the depth of my gratitude as well as anything I’ve ever come across: “If all the trees on earth were pens and the ocean were ink, with seven oceans behind it to add to its supply, yet would not the words of Allah (G-d) be exhausted in the writing.” Simply stated, it is literally impossible to recount all of G-d’s, teachings and wonders/glory. My money concerns are instantly washed away in the infinite and infinitely beautiful “ocean.”

A final realization this morning, as I was “flying with eagle eyes,” compassionately peering down on my “ant-sized” worries: nobody has ever lived more than a split second in the scheme of eternity. Might as well enjoy a banana split while my taste buds are alive.

-Jim Sharon

Transition time is here and I like to make the most of it. I remember reading the classic book “Love is Letting Go of Fear” by Gerald Jampolsky in 1982, as I was becoming aware of my limiting fear-based beliefs. I began yearning for more authentic freedom, joy, purpose, and peace.

In recent decades, I have been “crossing the bridge” from fear to love. What a huge paradigm shift for me personally — as a woman, business owner, guide to others, spiritual aspirant, and member of this ever-changing world.

The power of choice is revealed in books, CDs, downloads, emails, and networks galore. We are bombarded with ways to change our frame of reference from living in fear/feeling separate to living with purpose/knowing our unity. What an exciting time! I invite you to connect to the people, beliefs, and programs that support your development. Let me know how I may serve you!

This Fall, as the foliage is letting go of its fruits, vegetables, berries and leaves, I have the strong urge to let go, too. Having an “empty nest” now has been a strong catalyst. Feel free to take inventory of your shifts too!

Physically: from clutter to simplicity
Cleaning up the yard, canning fruits, harvesting, composting, clearing out closets, giving away stuff that clutters drawers, storage, shelves and garage; losing weight, burning fat, shedding aches and pains through exercise and healthy eating.

Emotionally: from judgment to acceptance
Releasing old styles of relating to Jim, kids, friends, clients, business partners, and students; reducing worries, anxieties, and judgments; feeling more confident, clear, expressive, and compassionate.

Mentally: from limitation to expansive possibilities
Reading books, studying success principles, learning to leverage my income to create additional streams of income; associating with mentors and coaches, thinking differently about my life!

Spiritually: from being right to understanding
Attuning myself to the greater reality, God, to live with love, harmony and beauty; meditating, praying, practicing peacemaking, living with more integrity.

Choice is the key. I am empowered! I am always in process, with moments of forgetting and remembering, but always in the general direction of “crossing the bridge” to love!

-Ruth Sharon

Each year around this time, during the Hebrew month of Elul, I have availed myself of the tradition to begin turning inward in preparation for the Jewish “high” (major) holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur that follow Elul. For most of my adulthood I have carved out this opportunity to take inventory of my core values, attitudes and judgments, as well as examine behaviors I need or desire to modify. This rigorous period of self-inquiry has been intensified the past few years by the concurrence of the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan. As a Sufi (Islamic and universal mystic), I immersed myself for eight years in the “great heat” of Ramadan, along with a spiritual community that fully observes the practices. Although I have not formally engaged in Ramadan practices for nearly a decade, my strong recollections of, and reverence for, that month of observances remain.

Every year, without exception, I experience being internally strengthened and cleansed and my character developed through my intentional soul-searching process. Also, I acquire a lot of perspective and profound joy, so I truly celebrate this intensive period.

I supplement these annual occasions of taking spiritual and psychological stock in myself via periodic retreats, usually guided ones. I highly recommend designating sustained time to “dive deep” and realize the potentially awesome power and benefits of extended introspection.

A few times a year, my wife Ruth and I provide an elegant structure for such self-exploration and growth. We are offering a guided weekend retreat in Steamboat Springs this October and invite you to join us!