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I get it, I hear you. 5 Tips for Emotional Intelligence in your Relationship

“I get it, I hear you” may sound like music to your ears. I notice couples often miss each other in hasty or unconscious communication and then feel resentful, blame the other person and fight uselessly. Do you know you can actually improve your “Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?”  I just took an online EQ test. Check it out for yourself by googling EQ. Let me know what you learn!

Being understood and connecting is truly a gift anytime, especially in a love relationship. Do you want to improve your speaking and listening so you handle situations in effective and compassionate ways?

Screen Shot 2014-06-24 at 10.41.43 AMHere are 5 tips to empower your soulful relationship (or future, potential one):

#1. Be present: When you are having a conversation with your beloved, stop what you are doing, remove the distractions, and listen. If this is not possible in the moment, make a plan to meet at a designated time and place so you can be fully present.

#2. Be aware of content and feelings: Try using this 1-5 scale. Target at least a 3 in your conversations:     1________________2__________________3______________4_____________5

  • 1= Voices speaking, no one is listening to each other.
  • 2=You are on the same topic but missing each other’s feelings. Your defensive reactions create barriers.
  • 3=You and your partner are communicating! You hear each other and reflect appropriately; you feel connected.
  • 4= You are so connected that something new is added to the conversation: a shift in perspective, a new solution, a new appreciation.
  • 5= You are incredibly connected that a breakthrough occurs. You now have a new appreciation for each other and feel more love.

#3. Listen for what verbs your partner is using and match them: I see what you mean  is a visual perception; I hear you is auditory; I get it  is intuitive; I feel that  is emotional; I know what you mean  is mental; I am with you is spiritual.Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 3.09.19 PM

#4. Create agreements on how to handle recurring themes: Be more aware of what your disagreements are about and take them one at time. Have a special “date” to discuss the issue and come up with solutions. Code words or signals can avert a fight.

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#5. Be patient and affirming: Changes occur slowly over time when they are reinforced and appreciated. Make sure you notice when your partner talks and behaves in a way you like and say “thank you” or “I like this.”

Connecting is a fine art and creates the foundation for a healthy and soulful relationship. Challenge yourself to stop your own agenda and tune into your partner or friend. When it is your turn to share, be clear and disclosing so you get the support you desire.

We are available to serve you in enhancing your relationship or preparing you for your true love. Coaching couples and singles is our joy! Your free “Mansion of Love”  call awaits you. Let’s see if we are a good fit for further conversations, alone or with your partner. Call Energy for Life at 303-796-7004 to schedule.

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If you are in the Denver area, join us on Wed. October 7, 2015, 7-9 pm for our monthly Meetup for Soulful Couples and Singles. RSVP now. Learn more about EQ with Susan Elizabeth Lee and us.

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Voted BEST Relationship Coaches,

Ruth Sharon

Jim Sharon


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2016 Best in Category: Relationship Coaching

Jim and Ruth Sharon

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