Open the Pathways to Wellness and Love.

Foundations of a Healthy Relationship

The other day I was grocery shopping and ran into a man I hadn’t seen in many months. We greeted each other cordially, then he inquired, “Where is your other half?” I jokingly looked to each of my sides and behind me and remarked, “Oh Frank, I am not a half. I am whole….and so is Jim!” High Five!

Old myths still prevail when it comes to relationships. As counselors and coaches for many decades, we hear all the stories of what works and what doesn’t. We facilitate men and women longing for real relationships. We may guide them at any point in their journey.  They meet, fall in love, enter into a committed union, make promises, be disappointed, struggle, thrive, learn skills, sustain a balanced life.

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Other scenarios are just as prevalent. Couples get caught in power struggles when faced with unresolved conflicts and unmet needs, so they ultimately break up. They may lack the desire or awareness to learn new skills and attitudes, or they are not well-suited for each other, so they break up.

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Long-lasting relationships that are satisfying, healthy and nourishing seem like a rarity these days. Jim and I are honored to be married 45 years! We are passionate about sharing our acquired wisdom, perspective, humor, compassion and abundant love.

Ruth and Jim at Modern Gladiator 2015

Strengthen these 5 attributes to secure a strong foundation of a healthy relationship:

1. You value personal growth, healing, self-love and self-care. A favorite adage is “Fill yourself first and give from the overflow.” By increasing your self-esteem, you have more capacity to give and receive love— without the trappings of guilt, shame, blame, unworthiness and manipulation.

2. You communicate openly and honestly, with increasing skill, compassion and confidence. You strive to speak and listen to connect and understand each other. You express your feelings, needs, and thoughts using more “I messages” than “You messages.”

3. You take personal responsibility for your relationship being safe and trusting. By relaxing with each other and dealing with stressful difficulties with respect, you build a cherishing spirit. You engender an attitude of being friends, not foes.

4. You bring freshness and aliveness to your relationship. Routines and habits can bring comfort, and they can create a sleepiness or boredom. Explore your intimacy and companionship in new and surprising ways.

5. You develop more emotional intelligence and spiritual awareness.  As you heal your childhood/teen wounds, you can face real life situations in the present moment, with skill, confidence and love. You connect to something greater than yourself and find meaning and purpose in your life.

Pat Slentz and Eric Ferm toasting their love 2014

Here is a conversation you can have with your partner or imagined future one.  Set aside 20-30 minutes in a quiet place (journal or imagine your dialogue if you are not in a relationship).

In a current challenging situation or specific recurring conflict, what describes us? Are we more like column A or column B? Elaborate using “I messages” about yourself, not “you messages” to talk about the other person.

A                                                                                     B                                                                           

Flowing Dance                                                          Insidious Battle

Trust as Friends                                                       Defend as Foes

Collaborate/Cooperate/Solve                               Be Right/In Control/Adversarial

Choose some of the topics below for now and some for later. Take turns sharing and listening.

  • What am I willing to let go of,  in order to find a solution to our specific problem?
  • What can we each do/be to create a more respectful connection?
  • How can we support each other practicing new ways of interacting?
  • Are we interested in increasing our spiritual connection with each other and with the greater ALL?

Thank each other for talking and set another time to continue! Stir the desire to live in more rooms of your Mansion of Love!

Jim and I are offering you a Halloween Challengestop the patterns that don’t work and shift to what is more satisfying.

Are you willing to face one of your relationship monsters who gets in your way of loving and being loved? Let us support your breakthrough! You can be more proactive in strengthening your healthy foundation. A one-hour laser coaching session is only $97 if scheduled by October 31, 2015. Sign up now. 

90-Day Coaching Programs are available also.

Voted BEST relationship coaches!

Ruth Sharon

Jim Sharon

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2016 Best in Category: Relationship Coaching

Jim and Ruth Sharon

Our focus is wholeness. We guide you to enrich your life. Our commitment, compassion and wisdom ease the way for you.