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Tips to Connect Emotionally With Your Partner


While women are often hungry for emotional connection with their male partners, many guys are threatened by it. Let’s look at some of the attitudes and behaviors that can bridge the gap. No matter what your age, here are guidelines to connect emotionally:

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As with attaining most goals, increased connection starts with genuine intention by at least one of you to draw closer to your mate. Solicit your partner’s agreement (buy-in) to engage in  discussions; certainly avoid holding the other hostage as you blab on.

Mutual acceptance and patience are paramount in the face of common gender differences.  For example, if you are a woman eager to connect, you might demand more than your man feels adequate or ready to handle. You may need to lower your expectations of how much emotion your guy can express or receive from you. Men tend to have a limited feeling vocabulary and often resent or withdraw when you prod them to respond a certain way. Conversely, you men need to create tolerance and space for your gal to vent her feelings. Realize that women are more likely to express soft feelings, such as sadness, pain and tenderness, whereas men are more inclined to lead with anger.

Screen Shot 2015-05-03 at 4.08.02 PMIf you are a typical guy who is quick to offer solutions–hurrying to fix upsets or problems—usually you need to first listen to your lady’s concerns. If you refrain from judging her as irrational when she unloads her feelings, chances are that she’ll eventually hear your input, especially if you seek her permission to provide advice.  Also, practical or rational discussion can better ensue once you give your mate the opportunity to share her upset or complaints.

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Distractions such as TV and electronic devices significantly detract from creating the presence that allows for strong engagement. However, many men are more comfortable/familiar with side-by-side intimacy, such as talking during an activity or project, than they are with sustained face-to-face conversation, especially when an emotional topic is involved.  By participating with your male partner in action, you may ease the way for him to disclose more of his feelings and ultimately make more contact with you.

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Effective communication skills contribute greatly to your discussions. Some of the most facilitative approaches are relatively basic in nature—right out of Communication 101. For example, owning your feelings via I-statements eliminates or mitigates blaming, shaming and other forms of emotional manipulation. Reflecting what you hear your partner say can be a powerful tool for demonstrating understanding and empathy. Furthermore, requesting additional details and inquiring when you need clarification will promote your conversations.  Eye gazing and touch is probably a welcome bonus for you women; such nonverbal gestures frequently enhance the emotional connection.


My mom liked to say, “practice makes perfect.” Well, perfect exchanges are very rare, but applying the above suggestions, even bit by bit, is an apt recipe for closer connection.

Let us know how we may serve you. One session laser coaching and 3-month programs are designed for your needs.

Your relationship coaches,

Jim Sharon

Ruth Sharon

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Jim and Ruth Sharon

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