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Going the Distance in a Relationship

Going the Distance

by Jim Sharon

Are you curious if your relationship is on a stable foundation and on a successful path for staying the course? Our theme this month is being more present, fresh, curious and open within yourself and with others in your life. Going the distance in a long-term relationship requires mindfulness, willingness to communicate and a desire to grow and change with the decades.Alyssa and Dave McCall 2013

Here’s a brief survey to help you determine if those of you who are married or committed to each other are on track to sustain your love relationship. Simply rate yourselves honestly as a couple. You and your partner may want to take this quiz independently, and then compare and discuss your responses.

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For each item below use this 1-5 scale:

5 =agree with the statement; 4=agree; 3=varies a lot; 2=disagree; 1= strongly disagree with the item.

1)___ We enjoy spending time together.

2)___ We often affirm and compliment each other.

3)___ We honor or validate each other’s needs and feelings.

4) ___We nurture one another regularly and in times of need.

5) ___We’re affectionate and passionate together.

6) ___ We actively support each other’s needs and feelings.

7) ___ We have a fair division of labor.

8) ___ We share many common values.

9) ___ We constructively resolve conflicts between us.

10) ___We can respectfully agree to disagree.

TOTAL: ___


40 – 50: Your relationship is very likely to sustain love over the years.

35 – 39: You two are doing relatively well together.

30 – 34: You guys have room for improvement.

25 – 29: It’s time to learn/develop new relationship skills.

20 – 24: Red flags are waving in the breeze!

19 & below: Run, don’t walk, to your nearest therapist or relationship coach!

Screen Shot 2014-07-15 at 4.33.19 PMRegardless of your score, both of you certainly benefit by making positive changes, individually and as a couple. I challenge each of you to commit to shifting two to three specific behaviors or attitudes. Lovingly hold each other accountable to ensure your follow-through. Once the new behavior is in place, commit to another one or two areas of improvement.


REMINDER: Stop old patterns that don’t feel good, and shift to what is life-giving and healing.

Let us know how we can support you. Leave comments here or on our Facebook page.

Your relationship coaches,
Jim Sharon
Ruth Sharon

Jim and Ruth at book signing 2014

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2016 Best in Category: Relationship Coaching

Jim and Ruth Sharon

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