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Letting Go Hurts Sometimes

October has been a powerful time for me to shed off some old beliefs and habits. I set my yearly intention in January 2016 for more “ease,” which I am happy to report is unfolding so beautifully.  Letting go hurts sometimes, but it sure can create more space for life to happen! My meditations are deeper and quieter, and I feel more love and peace. As I go inside to nourish what is of essence to me, outer situations and people reflect my softening and trust. Less worrying feels so good!

TJim's birthday cakehis past Saturday, I had so much fun at Jim’s 70th birthday party! What, how can my college boyfriend be 70? This doesn’t compute. How did almost 49 years pass since I met him on 11/11/69? I am freaking out a bit. I am aging. I am vulnerable. I am healthy. I am humble. I am grateful. Letting go of what I think age means and being with our reality is liberating! We aspire to open pathways for more energy for life!

Jim's birthday party

Ruth welcoming guests and asking people to make toasts and tributes to Jim.

At the “tributes to Jim” part of the evening, I exhaled and let go even more! Friends from six decades of our life (yes, the ’60’s til now) shared precious memories and aspects they admire in Jim. My heart expanded, tears welled in my eyes and I let go of ego defenses in order to receive  the blessing of friendship. Being delightfully open, I sat with my Beloved Jim in awe of our life together, smiling.

Alaina and Michael

Alaina and Michael making sad faces about Michael moving

As our son Michael prepares to move to Seattle this week, with his lovely wife Dana, I feel a delicate pulling in my heart. Painful separation and letting go, as I bless them on their way. Our youngest child, Aly, has recently moved to Bellingham, WA with her new hubby. At least they will be living near each other. Empty bedrooms now will be repurposed. Will I do more art? Happily, our oldest daughter is still nearby with her husband and two kids (one claims Aly’s old room when she visits). I rejoice in giving Alaina lots of attention to make up for lost childhood times of busyness and sibling sharing.

I am learning three important lessons in letting go that I want to share with you, so perhaps it can ease your pain a bit.

  1. I trust that by letting go of old restrictive patterns, more space/energy is opening for opportunities and healing. When I find myself tense, I ask, “What do I need right now?” By being present, I am able to shift my mood and free up energy to enjoy myself more.
  2. Pain and suffering are different. Pain is what I feel when I say good-bye to Michael this week. Suffering is holding on and being miserable. Letting myself really feel helps me clear current and stored stuff and move forward.
  3. When I face the truth of the current situation (i.e. aging or launching our kids), then I am freer to create what is joyful and of service. Letting go of old messages of being insecure or worried feels so much lighter.

letting-goWhat helps you let go? I recently met with a couple who just became engaged (second marriage for both). He was upset about not feeling appreciated and kept fighting with her–to get her respect (does that ever work?). She felt his distance and judgment and got panicky about his leaving her. She became cold, snippy and protective. Quarreling about little stuff robbed them of the joy of their engagement and the excitement of their upcoming marriage. In our coaching session, they each identified their hurts/essential wounds (he being taken for granted; she being abandoned). In just a few breaths they were able to let go of their fight in favor of listening to each other –to assist each other in healing. They came up with wonderful words and behaviors to remind the other of the truth that he is valued and she is loved.

Share your stories or insights here or on our Facebook page.

I experience lots of stories from clients who have been letting go of old ways to make room for healthier choices –more self-worth in relationships, career and self-care. Let us know how we can support you.

Your Relationship Coaches,
Ruth Sharon
Jim Sharon

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Jim and Ruth Sharon

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