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Basic Emotions in Relationships: Be HeartWise
As a relationship coach, I often see couples who are learning to process the emotions that arise in day to day life. The good news is, with practice, we can develop understanding and skills to be HeartWise.
Think of a crayon box or paint palette with the primary colors, along with the rainbow of hues created by combining various colors.
Emotions are Challenging—What Do I Do With Them?
Emotional stress is a real burden to carry. Most people come to counseling or coaching for guidance with the emotional realm. Old habits are deeply ingrained. Most of us tuck away feelings for later, when we can make sense of them. This is the “later” you have been avoiding. We need to be conscious of our mindset, heart, and gut to discern what we are feeling.
Living in the COVID-19 Time
Great changes are taking place on the Earth. We are facing a pandemic unlike any other. How are you faring? What are you learning? Paradoxes galore: I am alone and I am connected. I see the horror and devastation and I am encouraged by the kindness, compassion, and generosity all around me. We are being transformed by a force greater than ourselves. I invite us all to take inventory of who we are each being in this pandemic.
Awakening from My Winter Cave
I just noticed Daylight Savings Time on my calendar and my heart jumped in excitement. Yay, Spring is coming! Yes, I have so enjoyed my winter cave time. And I am ready for Spring! How about you? I have had a breakthrough this winter.
It's Never Too Late to Have a First Date
Jim and I were dating in college in 1967. I felt like I had met “my guy” and was so delighted. I was anticipating him asking me out for our New Year’s Eve date when he called before we left campus for the winter break. Instead of asking me out, though, he actually broke up with me on the phone, saying something like, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. We are just too different and it wouldn’t work out.”
Back to the '70s, Forward to My 70s
Nostalgia for the good ol’ days has been on my heart lately. In 1973, Jim and I moved to Greeley, Colorado for his doctorate program in psychology. At first I had a difficult adjustment, falling into a deep depression. After a while, I began opening and healing through the help of loving therapies, conscious circles of leaders and learners, evolving friends, spiritual awakenings, as well as meaningful work as a school counselor, college teacher, counselor and workshop leader.
We Just Had a Terrible Fight, Now What?
We just had a terrible fight. I feel so awful. I can’t believe what s/he said to me. I am shocked at how I behaved. I am upset, confused, in a swirl of chaotic emotions; my head is screaming at me, my guts are in a knot. I can’t breathe. What do I do now??
What's Next?
As July 4 comes upon us once again, I ask myself these questions:
What are my freedoms? What is still bogging me down? What's next?
Beware the Wrong Button!
I’ve been watching couples’ dynamics since I was four years old. I noticed my parents and other relatives and how they interacted. My parents fought when they disagreed. They would defend their own position and make the other person feel like they were wrong. Nothing got resolved. They would fight, then avoid each other for days until they cooled off. I truly don’t remember witnessing a conversation in which they would hear each other’s point of view, find understanding, and create a solution. Maybe they did it behind closed doors. I know their style helped shape me, my marriage to Jim Sharon, and my career.
Tuning Myself
I watched my son Michael tune his guitar as he prepared to play one of his favorite songs for us during our recent visit. What a joy to hear him sing to his own accompaniment and engage us in his music. I thought about how I get out of tune, just as a guitar can. When I am off-center, triggered, stressed, or tired, I may sound and feel off-key.
What Is a Soulful Couple?
Relationships are messy. Pushing each other’s buttons can cause blowups or avoiding each other (classic Fight-Flight). The challenge is to be aware of the upset, own it as your own (your buttons were there before your partner came along, most likely), then advocate for yourself to meet your needs. Healthy communication and shared desire are essential.
Whose Is Whose?
When the distinction of whose stuff is whose is blurry, you can feel confused, helpless, powerless and drained. Maybe you have heard the term codependency? This refers to the stage of development that involves wrapping yourself around others, merging into others, gaining self-worth from others’ approval. Our brains and nervous systems seems to be wired this way, just as primitive tribes and clans who had to band together for survival.
I Am No Longer As I Was
My mother died, and I am no longer as I was. Memories are rolling through my consciousness like a fast-moving train, with snippets of my mom, dad, sisters, and extended families traveling speedily through my mind...
Setting Intentions for 2019
Happy New Year! May 2019 be your best year ever! I invite you to set your intentions for 2019. Be sure to include ways to enhance your love relationship, or if single, to find your beloved and create your soulful relationship.
Making Space, Taking Time
I often hear from clients how they need more time and space in their lives. Burnout is a real thing. Stress can erode our health, our joy and our relationships. By draining our energy and exhausting ourselves, we are not being our best selves. We struggle on so many levels.
Leaving the Familiar
Traveling on our sacred pilgrimage to the Holy Land was a life-changing experience! The impact of becoming a Bat Mitzvah in Israel is still unfolding. I hope you will come along with me on the journey…
The Joy of Soulful Travel
My morning yoga on the green lawn by the ocean is so refreshing. I feel alive, youthful, and joyful! Now, as I sit in the well-appointed white room overlooking the blue glistening Saronic Gulf off Athens, the breeze blows fresh air over all of us. Ahh, so comforting! I am Home.
Four Worlds Part 2: Exploring the Emotional Landscape
This post is the second in a four-part series. The first installment looked at the life and health of a relationship through the lens of the Physical Realm, focusing on the concrete, practical, and specific aspects of our body, home, car, work, money, etc. Today, we’re approaching relationships through the lens of emotion.
Four Worlds Part 1: Want More Space for Love?
Perhaps we are living as if we occupy a small efficiency apartment in an imaginary luxurious, lush Mansion of Love. Do you want to explore more rooms and find out what else may be possible?
Tune in for this four-part series on the various dimensions that you can connect with to bring more Love to your life as a Soulful Couple!
What Is a Soulful Couple?
If you’ve been following our work, you may have wondered, what does the phrase “Soulful Couple” really mean? A soulful couple is a name we, Jim and Ruth Sharon, first coined to describe our own relationship. Over the years, it’s been touchstone for our journey together, and it’s also inspired the work we do with other couples.