Marital Fulfillment

As we start another year, many people devise a list of New Year’s resolutions, some of which give impetus to a fresh start, while others are soon abandoned. I’m inviting you to use this blog post as a means to consider and discuss what you and your partner find really fulfilling and meaningful in your lives.

You’ve probably often heard the proverbial sayings, “Different strokes for different folks” and a stronger one, “One person’s meat is another person’s poison.” Although I subscribe to both of those statements, I suggest that we may fall short of examining our core, deeply-rooted values and desires, which inform us of the heart of what holds meaning for us.

When married or in a strongly-committed love relationship, both personal fulfillment and the couple’s fulfillment are at play. Some of what is truly meaningful to one of you may not be so for your partner, which can create conflict, especially if you share very divergent views, needs, or desires. If you two have many differences of primary values and/or wants, those may be hard to reconcile, leaving your relationship in jeopardy.

Other ways to approach the issue of fulfillment is to explore what each of you regards as keys to success and happiness. For example, how important is career satisfaction, status, or earnings to you as compared with spending a lot of quality time together? Also, to what extent do you choose to devote resources of time, energy, and money to personal vs. couple interests, e.g. exercise, hobbies, or travel? 

Considerable research and surveys have shown that most couples thrive when three central characteristics are well-met in the relationship:

  1. Variety and balance of pursuits and activities

  2. Placing a premium on open, direct, clear communication and conflict resolution

  3. Shared spiritual involvement, even when beliefs differ

My wife, Ruth, and I, who have been married for more than 54 years, can honestly say that we satisfy each of those criteria. Even if you have previously discussed your personal and couple’s main life objectives and desires together, I believe you’d derive significant value in revisiting them. This is an ideal time of the year to do so. Also, consider evaluating how you stack up on the three virtues mentioned above.

Toward deepening and evolving love,

Your relationship coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon, EdD is a recently-retired licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored and edited many professional publications, including, most recently, HeartWise: Deepening and Evolving Love Relationships, published in 2021, as well as Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, published in 2014 (both with Ruth Sharon, MS). Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three granddaughters and one grandson.

Next
Next

Reflections on 51 Years of Marriage